


Oh Lord, Where Is (Your Mercy)

by mihrsuri



Category: The Tudors (TV)
Genre: Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Guilt, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 13:38:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20310403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihrsuri/pseuds/mihrsuri
Summary: It is different when the Archbishop of Canterbury - a man who had been his friend, who had admired him, looks at him with revulsion and sadness, who clearly thinks he is destined for hell and what is worse, is dragging his monarchs down with him. [Written in response to a prompt by allegoriesinmediares on tumblr]





	Oh Lord, Where Is (Your Mercy)

**Author's Note:**

> I want to issue a content warning for victim blaming, child abuse and some horrific religious doctrine about sin that I have in fact, had quoted at me.

“I cannot condone this my friend - I do not understand how you can, when you know it is a sin” 

Thomas looks at his friend and his heart breaks, breaks as it always does when he hears such things from the world. He had thought perhaps, his friend might have understood, at least a little upon being confronted with this secret, perhaps because Cranmer had had to fight so hard for his own love. Instead his friend looks at him as though he is soiled. As though he is a corrupt thing. 

“You would…you have sent an Earl to his death for your desires. You will been damned and I will not stand by as you do so, as you do so to his majesty and her majesty - if you ever wish to repent then perhaps I will consider returning.” 

His friend looked at him again. “You have damned my soul enough with this secret Thomas - I keep it only for the security of the realm and for the friendship we have shared.” 

-

“It is a sin and you corrupted him” 

It has been running through his mind since Thomas Cranmer had left court to never return. How could it not, when the worst of the voices in his head had repeated this, had said that of course he must have tempted Norwich somehow, must have invited it - had not he always heard that you should rather die than be made impure and while it is something he has never been able to believe for others - surely the Lord would do better than that, whatever the world might say, for himself it is different. 

It is different when the Archbishop of Canterbury - a man who had been his friend, who had admired him, looks at him with revulsion and sadness, who clearly thinks he is destined for hell and what is worse, is dragging his monarchs down with him. 

He feels dirty, as though nothing he could do will ever remove the stain upon him, feels the words are branded on his skin, on all of him. That he is an unclean thing, that he tempted a man to his death and tempts others to damnation and…he cannot get it out of his mind. 

Thomas Cromwell tries to pray, tries to find the words and finds he cannot, that all he can hear is his former friends words after he had found the letter he was writing Henry and Anne, how he had looked sick after asking whether it was true and Thomas had known that it could be read in his face that yes, yes it was true. 

“If you wish to save their souls Thomas, you should leave. I am sure that it was you who tempted them into sin and without you, I know they will return to virtue”

It rings through his head - but he can feel his heart ache, his soul and his body ache at the thought of leaving those he loves - but should he not do so, no matter the cost? Should he not think of their souls rather than his own selfish desires? The thoughts run through his head and he cannot…he almost does not know where he is. 

“Love? You have been here for hours - I would have sent a page to you but I was in need of prayer and thought to come myself. Where is Cranmer? I thought to find him here?” 

It is Henry. It is only Henry, Thomas thinks to himself. Makes himself repeat the mantra in his head - thankfully the private chapel is relatively shadowed and Henry cannot see him clearly. He makes himself steady his voice. 

“The Archbishop has left court and does not intend to return - he wishes to resign his office and devote his remaining years to contemplation and prayer” 

“But what could have bought this on?” is Henry’s question and Thomas, Thomas tries to find a lie and finds he cannot. 

“It appears that I am a sinner and he cannot bear my presence”


End file.
